Day 98 | April 8th, 2011

Last night was AP tour. It was pretty fucking rad but chaotic. Not exactly what I expected. But it’s always so nice to see Versa. Even if Blake is MIA, Devin is MIA and I see Sierra for like five minutes. I’m so incredibly proud of them it’s insane.

2/3 of the venue left for Black Veil Brides. I peed a little. Things have been great but chaotic all at once. I don’t know. My anxiety has been really high and I’ve been dealing with the past lately and things are just weird. It’s been a weird week. I’m really excited for it to be over.

I’m currently editing photos. When I do this I critique my entire life. I don’t know if self criticism is a good thing when it comes to me.

I think last night I also learned a lot about internet based friendships. They are a joke and I am really disappointed. 

Here’s a sneak peak at the Versa pictures from last night.

I need to do a better job keeping up with this.

Also, my birthday was really amazing and I met Patrick Stump and Jonny Craig! Ellie Goulding was also AMAZING.

Day 87 | March 28th, 2011

JESUS I KEEP FORGETTING TO WRITE IN HERE.

Anyways, spring break was pretty fucking awesome. On Saturday, March 26th, 2011 I met my hero and that was the most incredible.. I can’t even go into detail again. Right after it happened I made this very long post about it. You can read it here.  The 25th was A Day to Remember and that show went perfect. I can’t explain. The PTV interview was just amazing. I am so proud of my photos I took.

Other than that, I was worried, bored and sick the entire time I was home. I just need to find a job for the summer. That’s been stressing me out. And my mom and I got into a huge fight last night so that was just a really fucked up way to leave.

My bus ride today was so boring, horrible and painful. But I honestly couldn’t be more glad to be home. I have the worst cramps ever.

This week I turn 19 and it doesn’t feel that special. I don’t get how the year went by so fast. It’s so weird to me how fast things have been changing and flipping around and woah. This year has not been a bad year so far. 2011 has treated me great. I promise I’m going to start writing here every single day again. I suck at this!

This week is going to be a crazy, awesome week!

- Ashley

Day 66 | March 7th, 2011

God I am an idiot. I suck at doing these things, man.

Well above are all of the fun things that have happened since the last time I posted! Things have been very weird lately. As mid-terms are creeping closer and closer things are getting weirder.

I just want to go home for break really bad. So many fun shows coming up.

Ashley - you are in love with your camera. Save your money for your 50mm f/4 asap okay, dumbass?

Mama monster is all over my wall now.

Our door is decorated.

Uhhh you’re loosing weight little by little and you can tell good job Ashley.

Last night you had some bad experiences on the train but you’re okay.

Things are weird.

I’ll write more later.

I need to keep up with this thing!

Oh and good charlotte/ftsk is next week and I get to see Izzy so that’s exciting! 

WELL. Last night was one of those nights that I never though I’d have again. The crazy level was low, but the fact that I hadn’t been drunk in over a year and then I got drunk incredibly fast was pretty crazy on my end. I don’t regret it. In fact, I am going to another party next weekend. I’m revolting… finally. Because the reason I didn’t drink in so long was for simply for the fact that I was head over heels in love with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and it kills me every single fucking day. But.. he had been lying anyways because… well he lies about everything. But he lied about not drinking and shit. So I finally did last night and it felt great!

No regrets. Hell, I don’t even feel hungover today. But last night did make me realize that I’ve made some amazing new friends this year. I’m liking my rebel side. It’s helping me move on from a lot of things.

Minus the fact that last night all I dreamt about was him. Horrible things. Mean things that he was doing to me. But then in the end.. I always want him back. It’s fucked up. 

But I really need to find a way to end this cycle. It’s just when I don’t have the person that’s been in my life on and off for over five years, things feel weird. I don’t feel right all the time. It’s so hard. I hate feeling like this. I act like I’m fine with it, but really I’m just a fucking mess. Still. After five months I’m still hurt.

I don’t know if I will ever get over this. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t know that he already was. He wants nothing to do with me. Like I did something so wrong. I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I am never letting it happen again. He always does this bullshit. 

From now I, I’m living for me. I have no regrets and I’m not going to let any man, person —- anything get in my head anymore. Because that’s bullshit. Please, if you are actually reading this.. try to learn from this. Don’t fall for the wrong person because it is impossible to let them go.

Can my camera be here yet? :(

Day 035 | February 4th, 2011

Woah. Sorry 365. Update on life. Things are better right now. We had a huge blizzard. The snowlocaust. The end of the the world. Woooooah. It was awesome. Went sledding.

Had three snow days. No school this week.

You just bought your camera memory card but Wells fargo is being an asshole so you can’t even buy your camera yet. But it is completely okay because you are so happy that it even will happen. Finally.

Ashley, I believe in you this year. I know you can get where you want to be.

I bid you farewell for the night. So many exciting things coming up.

Hey… self?

So today I had Intro to Advertising and PR writing 1. I’ve been happy with the three classes I’ve had already. They seem easy so that’s good. I’m really focused on keeping my GPA up right now. Fuck.

But I know people in my classes so thats good.

NOTE TO SELF: DEAR SELF, WHY DID YOU TRY TO EAT MEAT TODAY?

I got sick and then I threw up everywhere after it so that was fun. Not really because I feel horrible and I want to die die die. But hanging out with people was fun.

Whatever. Intro to Media in the morning with Kathy. Time to sleep.

Day 025 | January 25th, 2011

Well today was the first day of class for me. It was good. Went shoe shopping with Annie and then worked out! Accomplished.

Day 023 | January 23rd, 2011

Break was fun. I’m home in Chicago. I forget to do this thing a lot. I want to get better. I got back yesterday, this is a picture of my sister, me and my dad in Chicago. Cool.

Day 017 | January 17th, 2011

Photo: Mickey’s Diner today. 

Truth is, I’ve been neglecting this because life has been boring and repetitive lately. I’m still home. Still bored. Nothing new. Another mind game is the fact that it is technically the 18th, but I haven’t slept so I don’t even count that.

I woke up and broke a lamp listening to A Day to Remember.

Today was an adventure well needed and appreciated with Izzy. Science museum, noodles, exploring. Just fun. I needed that. We saw the omnitheatre Hubble telescope movie and traveled through space. It was incredible, mind blowing, ah. I want to travel into space. I mean, can you imagine what an accomplishment that would be? The feeling you would have to know you went into orbit around Earth?

My head has been in the gutter these past few days because of the mass amounts of miss that I have right now. I miss somebody.. a lot. But I shouldn’t. It’s like a nasty habit that I have to quit. A few more months and I think I can do it. Number changed, everything changed. Change change change. I hate change. I hate change so much. But change is always a good thing, usually. At least, I am a firm believer that change will always eventually help you. I think.

It’s just a complicated mind fuck. Maybe the only reason I am even including this is because it’s 3AM and when my head hits my pillow my mind just wanders.

I’m so unsure of everything right now. Maybe it’s the fact that I am leaving home in a few days after being back for so long. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel so alone, even though I am most definitely not at all. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t fall out of love… or maybe it’s the fact that I might not even know what love is. I’m going to start calling these Brain games. Some people might understand this better than others. Brain games are in full swing today.

Goodbye 17, hello 18. Officially.

I will never stitch the hole you cut, in hopes that you’ll return to me.

versaemerge:

Official Tour Video for ‘Your Own Love’ premieres exclusively on Altpress.com 

Video directed by Mike Lerner

Day 12 | January 12th, 2011

This was the only exciting thing that happened today besides the fact that I worked but that isn’t even exciting.

There are clips from Grand Rapids in here :)

I miss Versa so much.

Day 011 | January 11th, 2011

Man, today is 1/11/11. Crazy shit. Who would of thought I would be spending it laying around the house being lazy? Me. I did! It was the greatest day I’ve had all break.

Sometimes we all need those lazy ass days. Today, was that day for me. I haven’t really had a day for myself all break. So it’s really nice to be able to have it right now.

I’ve watched Twilight, New Moon, Easy A, Remember Me and I am about to watch The Social Network.

Day 010 | January 10th, 2011

GPOY

Today I worked at Southdale Caribou. I listened to ADTR on the long venture to take the bus and I was so pumped for Warped tour. Homesick has been on play all day long. I’m so excited for the summer and the adventures it holds for us! Us meaning Izzy and myself and our friends! Hopefully Anne and Mary will be joining us on our Warped venture year 2! I’m so excited.

I’ve just been trying to keep a positive mind lately. It’s been working well so I hope it continues.

I’m in a great place. Oh and new resolution - I want to stay single this year. I want to focus on myself and go one year without a relationship. I truly am going to do this. But of course, if the right situation comes along, I won’t deny it. But eh… I would love to stay single.

- Meeeeeeee :3

Day 009 | January 9th, 2011

Lol I am so bad at these. My life is boring. I worked. Wooooo………..

Day 006 | January 6th, 2010

Today I woke up at 3, went to Caribou to work on my schedule. I think I finalized it.

Then I got Jimmy Johns.

Boring ass day.